can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
