Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
