i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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