I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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