she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
