Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
