Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
