dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
