Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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