woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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