paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
