I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
