could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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