I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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