This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
