She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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