I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
