I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
