So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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