Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
