I think i peed on brittanys purse
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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