They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
