Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
