well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
