i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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