after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
