I seem to have left my pride at pride
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
