all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
