No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
