May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
