im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
