just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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