the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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