no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
