You smell like a Billy Joel song
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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