brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
