Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
