my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
