Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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