Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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