i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
