you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
