the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this hospital has no fireball
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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