Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
