is your mom at the bar?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
