I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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