so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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