I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
