dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
