My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
