Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
