I wish I only lived at night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
