A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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