I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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