i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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