not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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