I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
