Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
