I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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