just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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