therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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