I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
