Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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