I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
