i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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