Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
