how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If its not for food we ain't going out.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
