i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
