Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
