you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Semen is not good for contacts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
