so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
