i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
