I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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