Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
