I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
